All around the mulberry bush....

So we've decided to make a go of it--again. I am excited about it. Max will be here tomorrow night. Yay! On the downside, we were talking about how this could work when it occurred to me that perhaps he was not considering my up-and-coming trip to the sandbox that will most likely find me out of the country for a year or more. As I mentioned it, I could tell that he had not considered that at all. This is not at all a good thing. Here is my problem (and perhaps his): I do not want to undergo attachment again only to find myself alone in a foreign country to go through withdrawals. That is not fair to either party. So what now? Do we carry on as planned and see where we are when it is time for me to leave? I am confused and a bit vulnerable.
I undertook a project last night to decorate my plain wall in my bedroom. I can't stand white walls. I must have color! So, I saw something in a Pottery Barn catalogue that gave me inspiration. There were several black and white photographs with silver frames of different sizes hung on a wall--a photo wall, if you will. So I decided to replicate that with my handy-dandy silver spraypaint and photo scanner. I chose sepia instead of black and white because of my chocolate colored bedspread. I know!! This is exciting!! Anyhow, I think it turned out pretty well. In the center of all the photos is one of a tree. It was taken on one of my 'sentimental journeys' when I lived in South Kansas City.

Chicken enchilada night turned out well. Jac made the best enchiladas EVER! haha. Afterwards we went over to hang out with my friends and play some drinking games (hello four years ago). We had a good time and got home very late. Being in their company again made me quite introspective--Had I really been so immature/insecure back then? If so, then I've come a long way from the girl I was four years ago. I spent a lot of mental energy ( back then) feeling judged, awkward, insecure. Now is it that I don't care or that I've changed (or both)? Also, I think this needs mentioning: Johnny proudly displayed the weevils in his flour. Can we have a round of applause for the bachelors in our audience?

On a side note, I think I am going to go over my texting limit on my phone! Lately it has been very popular to text me--extravagantly!

My friend Bryant

...or ShurleyBear as he is now called.
Bryant and I met in AIT in San Antonio, TX. We were old. It happens. We devised a plan to make dating resumes to be handed out upon meeting someone that you're interested in. These resumes are to include past dating experiences, expectations, and of course physical measurments--haha!

Bryant is now in Iraq! He is now finding himself in the midst of an early-afternoon soap opera. Why? What? Who? Two very different women are competing for Bryant's attentions. (I just wonder if they have sent their resumes to him yet?) I think Bryant's nickname should be "Soldier Cassanova".. yea! Only Bryant would be lamenting being pursued by two beautiful women at the same time. One of the women is married and the other divorced; both have a child and a desire to be with Bryant when he returns from the sandbox. Besides the obvious dilemma of 'who to choose', there are other aspects of concern. Where do these women live? If they are not in close proximity to Ft. Hood, there cannot be a reasonable future for when he returns. And what about history? What foundation is there already and what can be built in the time Bryant is overseas? Can you really, truly get to know someone well from online correspondence? Perhaps I am projecting my own fears and concerns upon Bryant's situation.
It should be very interesting to see how this all pans out.

Down with the Sickness!

My entire family is sick. Vomiting, diarrhea, the nasties... You know what I'm talking about. I am, besides hungover, completely healthy.

Last night was "Taco Thursday" at a country bar in a country town. I met up with some old friends, one especially that is on leave from his station in Alaska. He is an Air Force fag. yay!
Anyhow, after many a pitcher of Miller High Life we played shuffle board, danced to silly music, put taco sauce on the rim of Craig's mug, did a lot of reminiscing and had a good time. Meanwhile on the other end of the world, my guy is getting drunk in an Irish Pub. It happens. I would like to believe that we were partying 'together'...

I am hungry and Jac is making me chicken enchiladas tonight. I can't wait.

Craig called and said that tonight will be "Fajita Friday" but I don't think I'm up for that quite yet. Maybe "Margarita Monday" would be okay.

It was a dark and stormy night, the door shut, the maid screamed, and a pirate ship appeared on the horizon. I believe that's what Snoopy said anyhow.

On a side note:

So I am a lazy runner. I make a goal, procrastinate until the last minute, then miraculously pull it off; afterwards I reclaim my lazy nature and settle into lethargy. But I really don't like this! It gets me nowhere and I end up using more energy to get back into shape each time than I would if I could just remain constant and disciplined.

This morning however was a small victory for me. I have recently made a goal, procrastinated til the last second, and am on my way to "pulling it off". Haha. I only ran 1/2 mile last week; which is gay. Then the day before yesterday I ran 1 mile and walked 1/2 mile. So I figured today I would add 1/4 mile to my routine until I was at 3 miles steadily. Well, I got some motivation to achieve a bit more and so I ran 1 1/4 miles (was excited to have made my small goal) and while I was cooling down I thought "Hey! I should run a bit more!". So I did. I ran a total of 2 miles today. Yay for me. Then I went on a 2 mile walk with the dog.

Anyhow, I want to be motivated to run for my health not for the quick, short-term goals I usually ascribe to.

Yay! So here's the plan: to first add another 1/4 mile to my run while trying to run 2 miles straight with no walking intervals. Yea. That sounds good. My second goal after that is to run the day AFTER my first goal has been completed. That of course is in an effort to maintain my running habit and secure health as my priority. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!
If you don't hear me mentioning running in any more blogs, then I need to be beat over the head and forced to run in a wheel--like a rat, or a hampster.

Your first glimpse!

Welcome! You have been invited inside my head! I'm sure this will be a confusing trip for you, so I will try to make it easy. ;) I guess we'll just jump right in!

What to do? What to do? I have fallen in love again with Max and at the exact same time I've developed a heart-ache filled tumor the size of Texas (hmm how appropriate). We've been in love before but I was immature/insecure and he was busy/far away. We've all been there. But its now been 3 years and we both changed--sorta. Now I'm busy and he's still far away. Hmmm... I wonder if we're both far away? Oh well. So this whole love business. Its kinda like coming home to a warm fire, not your whole house, but contained to the fireplace, where it should be. It just feels nice. I've always pined for this trust and chemistry and now that I have it, I feel like I'm on the brink of losing it just as quickly.
You see, I'm a heart surgeon with a tabby cat and he's a rocket scientist with a chocolate Lab. It just can't work!! Okay, so I'm kidding about that. But this distance thing is killing me! We live over 800 miles from one another! That's just retarded. I've petitioned the governor many times to have my state moved next to his and he just won't budge! haha. But seriously, how can I resolve this? His work keeps him there; my schooling/work/support systems keep me here. Blah. It almost makes you want to fold your hand. But you can't because you have a royal flush (or whatever the highest card hand is)!!! What do you do with it?
Cupid has a sick sense of humor.

I am _____________.

Yes. That's correct. I won't tell you what I was going to say. You can guess, and would probably be correct. I am all those things. Probably not much more, I guess.
An interesting turn of events this week: I will not divulge them. I can however speak in strange metaphors. Enjoy!
The Ghost of Christmas Past visited me in the recent past (haha). He brought with him a blueberry muffin and the scent of chai tea. Lovely smells, just lovely. And with that he tied my hands and taped my mouth shut, but allowed my eyes to see what I could have in an alternate time and place. Bewildering combination of grief and comfort. So as I sat dazed, smiling, he took my hand and led me spiraling down the rabbit's hole--where the images are dangerously sublime. The music is old and new at the same time. I am at the precipice, looking in all directions. I've been here before. The Ghost is annoyed with me. I am unable to finish my sentences: I am ______, I feel _______, I want _________. But I can't say I don't know. Somehow the music makes sense, but I don't. I'm sure I can, but I don't know how. Fabulous. Just fabulous. Thanks a lot Ghost, you sure revealed a whole of a lot. I really hope the the Ghosts of Christmas Present and Future will show up shortly and sort this all out.
And you thought Dickinson was cryptic! Ha!

Updating Blog

I haven't written in a while, so I thought I'd fill everyone (by everyone I mean Jac, my only part-time reader) in on my incredibly satisfying life!
In the last year, many unexpected things have happened to me. I turned 24 years old, I woke up every morning (to birds chirping), and I ran a little. Some expected things also happened. Two ex-boyfriends contacted me, my grandmother died, my friend Bryant is in Iraq, and I started to feel old.
So here's a little story I think will sum everything up for you (jac).
Ahem. Once upon a time there was a simply gorgeous girl named......Andrea, let's say. She got a job in the ER where nothing seems to gross her out and learned that everyone thinks their pain is worse than everyone else's. (oh my papercut!!! I'm gonna die!) Anyhow, she also dated a guy over the summer who liked to refer to himself as "Daddy" and proceeded to cheat on her. Andrea's lack of emotional involvement with him made it easy to say "See Ya!" (That would be a reference to Bedazzled, Jeff will be the only one to catch that) Andrea has also completed a semester at UMKC in the winter and now the fall is coming to a close. Thank god for that. There were also two separate instances where Andrea (for lack of better judgement) got semi-involved with men who already had significant others. That was stupid of her and she's learned her lesson. Again. Andrea was not allowed to vote in the midterm elections here in Blue Springs because she had been previously registered to vote in Kansas City, and even though that is still within the same county as Blue Springs, it was under a separate jurisdiction. However, the election results reflected Andrea's inteneded vote and she is A-OKAY!!!
I think that is a good enough story for now. Stay tuned for next year's issue.

Kevin and Joe's Illegal Ventures

So Jacque and I went to Kevin and Joe's palace by the sea. Joe wanted me to read some email he sent me but the computer was a piece and I couldn't get the thing to stop dancing.
There was a strange lady there with her 3 kids and she was trying to put them to bed. In the meantime, she was trying to find homes for her dogs. I told her that they looked in good health and that was all.
Then Jacque and I were getting the impression that Kevin and Joe were in some sort of illegal business involving foreign something or other. Kevin entered the room with running clothes he had bought for us. I was pissed because everything Kevin bought for me was in a size XL!!! Also, I was jealous of the Puma shorts he bought for Jacque. They were super cute pink and sparkly-like. Hrm.
Then I left to go to the store to return mine for a more suitable size. Problem though... Jacque calls from Blockbuster. Apparently, there is more going on than first meets the eye. My ex-boyfriend Jeremy is somehow involved in this illegal plot. Then I spy Joe driving his Durango across the street... he is wearing a welding mask-Why? He looks suspicious and quickly makes his escape!
I arrive at the grocery store where I am almost accosted by an employee but I make it out ok. A few muscle men begin chasing me through the parking lot, I scream to whoever will listen.
Why can't I ever get a break?

AT&ME

Ordinarily I might wonder: "Is 'ordinarily' a real word?" and look it up on dictionary.com, but today is a special day. Why? you might ask. Because I am not going to answer those questions without a few more drinks! (of coffee Joe, gimme a break man!)
A wonderful and interesting spectacle of serendipity for all to share!! Doesn't that kinda sound like "Mr. Kite"? Well, never mind that. All I have to say is that I am pleased with Karma. I experienced something quite nice this week that not many people get to claim. I will cherish this. ;)
As far as my annual training with the ye olde Army Reserves goes, all is in preparation for my relocation to Iraq. I assume Iraq because that's where we're going. I'm spending my daytime hours in the daylight; burning several layers of skin conviently selective: neck, face, hands below the wrists. Now THAT'S the one you want! Not a farmer's tan, oh no, a soldier's tan!
I must also admit that I have a problem. "Hello! My name is Andrea and I'm a shopaholic!" *Sobs violently*
I've done 8 loads of laundry over a few days' time! 8 loads!! Who has that many items of clothing! Its a relief I don't have to wash my shoes or I'd have to quit my hypothetical job and spend my waking hours with my shoes. Not a bad idea, now that I think about it!
Also for those of you reading this blog, please be kind enough to cross your fingers for me! I have a wonderful job opportunity and I don't want to spoil it by talking too much or getting too excited. *crosses fingers*

I'M TOO EXCITED!!!

I need a hug!

*Sigh*
Yes its one of those days. It ought to be raining outside to coincide with my inside. I don't know. I feel down today. I spent the morning sifting through things in my parents' finished basement. I came across old family photos, high school papers, dad's stuff, mom's stuff.... books upon books. I saw myself in school photos from kindergarten to graduation. Its strange to see yourself and yet not see yourself. Hmm... nevermind.
I even found a birthday card with a letter and check made out to a person that my dad went to nuclear power school with back in the late 80's. The check was dated '88. I can't believe that was down there. I wonder if whoever wrote that check is still wondering after 18 years "where is that $20"... probably not but I want to send it to her just for kicks.
Maybe I inhaled too much dust or it could be the heat, but I left my rents' house feeling a bit sad. I mentally reviewed my mistakes over the years and began to wonder "what if?".
I also received an urgent FedEx this afternoon from the Army. I was shaking inside. I thought, "what if they're sending me away? I don't want to go!" Turns out it was just some paperwork for me to go get some dental x-rays done. I'm not quite sure why that is 'urgent'.
My good friend's mother has cancer, I found out recently.
Carpe diem, they say. Today I've been blindfolded and can't see anything to seize. Perhaps after a nap, I will open my eyes and smile. I'm generally a positive person and I just have to wonder "what put me in this state of mind" and why today? I'm confused, I feel drained, empty. Gas prices are too high. Have I grown bland over the years? Where's my "spunk" that I had been known for? Once, a person told me that I had lost my "free spirit"... I hate that person to the core, but that's besides the point. Has life's responsibilities taken its toll on my happiness. I don't think so... I've spent so much of my life laughing, singing, and enjoying my friends company. This day is a fluke. It doesn't belong. I should chuck it-along with the entire two years after Ryan. Those shall be erased also.
Again *Sigh*.... Tomorrow I will most likely delete this blog. I will be my normal self again and think "what a whiney little queer!" erase erase erase!
However, if you would care to donate a hug, I will be available at all hours of the day or afternoon times. Keep in mind, tomorrow I may not want a hug. I may be like "dude, get off me!" ahhahahaa... at least even today I can make me laugh.
P.S. did you know that "p.s." means post script? Another one for ya! Ha!

The Mysterious Disappearing Act of Jeff Horner

June 21, 2006 at approximately 9am central standard time.
The phone rings. Hello? Silence. And then its T.J. demanding the whereabouts of his older and slightly wiser (haha) brother, Jeff. Who's Jeff? I ask myself. Quickly returning to reality, I come to my senses and freak out. Where's Jeff? Oh dear God!!! He most definately has been abducted by alien truck drivers and forced to have "normal" sex!! This is terrible news!
T.J., displeased with my lack of maturity, states that Jeff's cell phone has been found on the steps of his former high school with Jeff and his car nowhere to be found. How can this be? Has Jeff been imprisoned for drunken ridiculousness? Possibly... I begin to sort through possible scenarios. T.J. hangs up on me. Loser.
I decided to take the law into my own hands. I gathered my trusty companion and sister, Amara, and engaged on a sweep of the Blue Springs area. After four full minutes of search tactics, I give up and decided to take my sister to the City Hall. There I know I will find answers! No, I didn't but I did get a cool lollipop!! Yay grape!
Upon turning into "downtown" blue springs, I spy a white Mazda 3 with Jeff in it... Could it be? I honk my horn like a lunatic, arms flailing, screaming "Take me man meat!!". Jeff spies me and continues on his route to nowhere. I take a crazy turn through the liquor store parking lot, only to lose the scent. Damn! Where did my bloodhound go?
So Amara and I go to Sonic Drive-In where I recieve a call from Teeg saying Jeff is home safe and hungover. As I ponder what those anal probes felt like, I decide to call a mass conference of all Jeff and I's mutual friends to discuss the outcome. Hmm... I called Jerry. He is happy and relieved. I am bored. So I return home, tired of the day's adventures and ready for a smoothie.
The End. And Jeff, wherever you are, you owe me. Like a rock or something.

A Day in the Life

I know what the public wants. An intimate portrait of a day in the life of ME. Through the generosity of my heart, I will deliver.
I feel content. Oh, and happy too.
"Today I finally overcame trying to fit the world inside a picture frame"
You got it John! That's the ticket! So here goes:I began the day at approximately 9:30a and wandered this glorious apartment lackadaisically, wondering why my vision was blurred. Eureka!! I found my eyeglasses! What a relief! After a healthy serving of buttermilk pancakes and blueberry syrup, I engaged in a rapidly frustrating tug-of-war with my internet service provider. Low connection speed? You've got to be kidding me! Commie bastards! After a shameful retreat, I cleaned the dishes in the sink, on the counter, and on the side table. Yes, those fuckers migrate around the living spaces. I also engaged in a process they call laundering... not money, unfortunately, clothing.
Around that point in time, I heard a knock at the door. That is unusual due to the fact that visitors rarely come uninvited around here. So I answered the knocking in my best impression of Martha Stewart on a cold day.
"Hi" I say to the man at the door. "Do I know you?" The man is a stranger; I know this because I've never seen him before.
"You've parked in my spot" He says, with a bit of a Northern accent. I look down the steps at my bird poop covered Altima. Yep, that's my parking spot alright. I look at the bird poop covered man with great confusion and fascination at his proceding hairline. He attempts explanation: "You see, I live here and that parking spot is assigned to me" I take a look inside my navy blue racing striped apartment and turn back to the strange man.
"I think you've forgotten your medication, my friend" I attempt sarcasm.
"Indeed!" the foreigner agrees, "Perhaps I could get some pancakes?"
The man looked like he already ate all of the local Waffle Houses, yet he claims hunger. So I invite him to a plate of cakes on the condition that he does all my laundering for me. He accepts.
I love cheap labor!

Chippendales!

Ok, so last night the Jackster and I went to Harrah's casino for the Chippendale's show. Heh heh. I've never even been to a strip club so this was sure going to be an experience.
We get there and there's a line from here to Louisiana full of old, dumpy women and a few barely dressed, leather skinned others.

The show started with some ridiculous dancing that made us all laugh. It was so cheesy! Then they started doing skits. I thought they were kidding but they weren't. This guy with blonde spiked hair got onstage with a keyboard and an oversized box that was supposed to represent a computer monitor. Anyways, he was apparently upset about something and began to take off his "business attire".... and he did the predictable tearing off of the undershirt but then, oh my god, then he started to jerk off onstage!! I couldn't believe it!! Jac and I were in shock. Then he rips off his underwear and uses THAT to pleasure himself. Holy shit.

That was probably the most extreme thing they did at the show. Most of the "skits" and dance numbers were based on some sort of fantasy that women have: men in uniform, cowboys, naughty businessmen, etc.

At various points during the show, the chippendale's men went into the audience to shake their package in your face and you're supposed to give them money... hmmm interesting, I threatened to pay for them to do it to Jac...hahha... later on there came a chippendale's dude and he was actually pretty damn hot... so I threw my dollar bills up over Jac's head in an effort to thoroughly embarrass her but he strattled me instead!! I was like NOOOO!!! but he soon realized his mistake and placed his, what's it called?, banana hammock in Jac's face!!! She was trying to hide her face from his umm... member!! Hahahaha, I've never laughed so hard!!
Anyways, that's a little glimpse of our interesting night at Chippendale's.