I need a hug!

*Sigh*
Yes its one of those days. It ought to be raining outside to coincide with my inside. I don't know. I feel down today. I spent the morning sifting through things in my parents' finished basement. I came across old family photos, high school papers, dad's stuff, mom's stuff.... books upon books. I saw myself in school photos from kindergarten to graduation. Its strange to see yourself and yet not see yourself. Hmm... nevermind.
I even found a birthday card with a letter and check made out to a person that my dad went to nuclear power school with back in the late 80's. The check was dated '88. I can't believe that was down there. I wonder if whoever wrote that check is still wondering after 18 years "where is that $20"... probably not but I want to send it to her just for kicks.
Maybe I inhaled too much dust or it could be the heat, but I left my rents' house feeling a bit sad. I mentally reviewed my mistakes over the years and began to wonder "what if?".
I also received an urgent FedEx this afternoon from the Army. I was shaking inside. I thought, "what if they're sending me away? I don't want to go!" Turns out it was just some paperwork for me to go get some dental x-rays done. I'm not quite sure why that is 'urgent'.
My good friend's mother has cancer, I found out recently.
Carpe diem, they say. Today I've been blindfolded and can't see anything to seize. Perhaps after a nap, I will open my eyes and smile. I'm generally a positive person and I just have to wonder "what put me in this state of mind" and why today? I'm confused, I feel drained, empty. Gas prices are too high. Have I grown bland over the years? Where's my "spunk" that I had been known for? Once, a person told me that I had lost my "free spirit"... I hate that person to the core, but that's besides the point. Has life's responsibilities taken its toll on my happiness. I don't think so... I've spent so much of my life laughing, singing, and enjoying my friends company. This day is a fluke. It doesn't belong. I should chuck it-along with the entire two years after Ryan. Those shall be erased also.
Again *Sigh*.... Tomorrow I will most likely delete this blog. I will be my normal self again and think "what a whiney little queer!" erase erase erase!
However, if you would care to donate a hug, I will be available at all hours of the day or afternoon times. Keep in mind, tomorrow I may not want a hug. I may be like "dude, get off me!" ahhahahaa... at least even today I can make me laugh.
P.S. did you know that "p.s." means post script? Another one for ya! Ha!