The Good, The Bad, and The Gray Matter

You walk into a room. There are four walls each with a chair in the center of the wall. Each chair has a person sitting in it.

The first wall to your left is painted blue like the ocean and the person is a man of about fifty years. He is wearing a simple suit of brown corduroy, has a well-kept beard, and has a hard-cover book in his hands.

The second wall in front of you is painted every color of the rainbow and the person is a man of about thirty years. He is wearing jeans and a t-shirt with the logo of some trendy bar on the front. He is reclining in the chair; seems laid-back and honest.

The third wall to your right is made of steel, almost like an armoured vehicle. The person is a man in his thirties wearing a button up shirt and pressed slacks. His hair is cut short and he sits rigidly in his chair with a manila envelope across his lap.

The fourth and final wall behind you is made of what seems like thick glass; but you cannot see through it. The person in the chair is a woman of about twenty-five. She is moderately attractive, confidant, and expressive. She wears a summer dress and sandals and holds a pen in her right hand.

As you look around the room at the four distinct areas, you find yourself drawn to each one. Meanwhile the woman is talking gingerly with the other three men. The man in front of the blue wall is talking with the man in front of the steel wall. The man in front of the rainbow wall will only talk to the woman across from him. All four of them are talking at you also. The noise sounds similar to that of an audience in a theater before the show begins--low rumbling voices, distant but noticeable. Every now and then one of the people sitting in the chairs succeeds in drowning out the other three.

And you have no chair.

It was just a moment, okay?

Picture this: I am sitting in a hallway with a friend from Calculus, studying for that class. While "studying" I received two phone calls (Max and my mom). Anyhow, this friend and I begin talking about ringtones and I mentioned my super cool Pink Panther ringback tone. She wanted to hear it, so she dialed my number and put the song on speaker. Immediately it began to play... dun dun dun dun dun sche sche sche dun dun dun dun... Yea you all know it. Well, then my phone began to ring. I thought maybe Max was calling again, but when I picked it up there was a strange number that I didn't recognize. So I answered...................

....................and heard my own voice say "Hello?" on her speakerphone. I threw the phone down on the desk in mortification and surprise! I am an idiot. We laughed so hard I thought I was going to puke right there!

So everyone has those moments, I only pity the fools who that happens to more than once a year. Hahahaha... yea I'm still laughing at me!

We Belong at Applebee's!

So the singing and dancing shrimp would say.

I am very satisfied with my strengthening will power. I didn't want to run today. Though I had no reason. I made myself do it. Yay!! I was hurting a little when I was finished--my left leg muscles were complaining. So I plan to stretch the hell out of them to teach 'em a lesson--so there! I've been trying to eat well; which is going alright. I've switched out my two eggs and toast in the morning for a "special K"-like brand of cereal. I've been opting for smaller portions and trying to eat my veggies--just like mom told me to. :D I'm getting impatient for results, when what I should be focused on is making all of this a habit. Hopefully I will obtain both results and healthy habits! Yay!

I was struck by something I read this afternoon on myspace. My best friend, Jacket, posted a bulletin titled "Finish this" or something to that effect. It was another one of those silly questionnaires. The idea was to finish the sentence. For example, "Babies are..." or "My last kiss was....". You get the idea. Anyhow, one of the sentences started with "The last time I cried was because..." and Jac finished it with "my friend is leaving". Now I'm not entirely sure she's talking about me but I assume that because she mentioned my leaving earlier in the same questionnaire. It made me sad to think that she cried. So I messaged her. Then a bit later, I was looking through the pics on my cell phone and I noticed that she wasn't smiling in any of the pics of her (I believe there were 4 pics). Again, I was sad. It made me think of a similar instance years ago when she was upset with me because I didn't smile in an entire roll of film (I wasn't in every picture, but a few). AND it was her birthday dinner--oops. I think I was being Emo ;) Anyhow, I don't know. It was just one of the things that grabbed my attention today. I don't want to leave anyone here, ESPECIALLY not Jacquita. She's my elbow (I'm not sure which one) and I believe I'm her knee... I don't remember. Its been awhile since I've auctioned off body parts. Hmmm....

Jac-a-lope--I love you babe!

Exhiliration

I had a b-e-a-u-tiful run today. Everything felt nice. I got all my homework done and managed to organize my bills, etc. Yay!!

Jacque and I went to lunch today at Olive Garden. Soup, salad, and breadsticks are your friend!! I gave her her birthday present and we had a good time. Our server was funny and we laughed a lot. We were taking pictures before we left and our server jumped right in too! Then as we were standing out front and hugging an old man came out of nowhere and he wanted to hug us too! ahhahahaahha! It was hilarious. I left with a smile on my face.

This next week is going to be a bit challenging. I have school for the next four days, then two days of drill, and then another day of school before I have a day off. Phew! Oh well, I just want the time to pass quickly so that I can see Max again. WEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

I went through a bunch of old letters today after I organized my bills/papers. I have a medium-sized rubbermaid container full of these letters and cards. I sorted them and read a few. I had several pen pals over the years. The first one was a sailor that I had met while I lived in Virginia. He wrote me for several years before he got married, and then I lost track of him. I also had a pen pal from France that I was assigned my freshman year of high school through some sort of service. She was really nice but we stopped talking when Clinton did Lewinski. Go figure. Then I had lots of letters from my old best friend who I also met in Virginia. We remained friends for several years until she had a child and I didn't hear from her much after that. Let's see.... there were a lot from my ex-fiance. Those ended with the breakup-haha. I had a large number of letters from my mom from when I was in basic training. I really appreciate that she wrote me regularly. It helped a great deal. There were a lot of birthday cards from over the years and few other miscellaneous things. It was nice (and interesting) to look back over some of those letters. I only wish that I had a copy of the letters that I wrote. I don't get to see what I had to say back then, or how I've changed. All in all, a very eye-opening afternoon.

Lock the Cash Box

Happy Birthday Jacque!!

Last night was the annual Cosby Sweater Party. Well, this was the first time we had this party but I'm sure it'll happen again! Yay!! We celebrated Jacque and Kevin's birthdays at a bowling alley while wearing ridiculous Cosby sweaters. haha. Here is a pic of Jac and me. Yes, I am indeed rocking a side ponytail! It was a lot of fun, but my arm is sore! I had a game of extreme-snowball before going to the bowling alley. Phew! I tell ya man! Check out my myspace page for the full photo slideshow! www.myspace.com/arcendis

Contentment

I am feeling rather complacent this moment. It could be the 7 & 7 I had at the bar or perhaps I am just happy to be unconcerned.

This afternoon I was supposed to go on a 'tour' of Kansas City, however, we only made it as far as Independence square. It was freezing cold and there was no sun to be seen much less felt. After sifting through a few of the shops and snapping a few pics of the courthouse and Truman statue, we ate a square pizza. It was okay, but I'm not a huge fan of artichokes and there were a lot on the pizza. Afterwards, we went to the courthouse bar and had a drink. The bar was in the basement and the ceilings were really low. It was a cute, dimly lit place with thick black paint on the rafters and no music playing. After attempting conversation for a while, I went home.

On the way back I was listening to John Mayer's second album "Clarity". I love his music. Perhaps that's the real reason I feel so subdued. I have a strong desire to go to sleep and wake up exactly one month from now. You know how those lunatics always talk about being 'in tune' with the universe? I imagine that they're talking about my current state. God bless them and all the little munchkins.

My Winter Holiday

I arrived late last night into Kansas City which ended my wonderful, but short winter holiday. I went down to Houston in the spur of the moment in order to see Max. We had an awesome time together! I was able to see a bit of the city he lives in, his apartment, and meet a few of the friends that he hangs out with. It was really nice to be able to do that. Now when he tells me where he is, what he is doing, etc, I can imagine it with a dose of reality instead of my own contrivance of what his world is composed of. Yay!

All in all, I really liked what I saw of Houston, although I was suprised by the number of palm trees--Those were unexpected. The city itself is really big. We drove for a long time and didn't see all of it. We went out to eat at a few places, watched a movie, played in an arcade, and generally just enjoyed each other's company. Sigh. It was nice.

Some more serious talk of the future of "us" was discussed--I am very happy for it. I guess I could say a lot more about this and other things but I think I will keep it vague here for the online community and instead write details in my own personal journal. Yea.

Savoir Faire

My hands smell like oranges.

Most days I am comfortably safe with my image, but occasionally I get glimpses into reality and sometimes I'm pleased, sometimes I'm not. Today I was not. Thankfully, with my Mrs. Fix-It personality I can see solutions to these problems. In fact, I am quite good at problem solving, My expertise ends when the solutions are supposed to be implemented. A lot of times, I fail to follow through. This frustrates me.

I ran 2.25 miles today and I like it.

A Thousand Pardons

Today I had one class: Calculus. I spent more time driving to and from school than I did in the classroom. Anyhow, the drive afforded me time to enjoy some of my favorite songs on my iPod. I got super teared up on one particular song--I will share a few excerpts from what I was listening to this morning/afternoon. WARNING: What you are about to read is sugar-coated love songs, 'Chicago', anyone?!

"Please don't say I love you
those words touch me much to deeply
and they make my core tremble
don't think you realize the effect you have over me
and please don't look at me like that
it just makes me want to make you near me always..

and when you look in my eyes please know my heart is in your hands
its nothing that I understand
but when in your arms you have complete power over me
so be gentle if you please cause your hands are in my hair
but my heart is in your teeth baby
it makes me want to make you near me always..."
--Jewel, Near You Always (Pieces of You)

"I remember when you used to be mine
Way back when
I was too naive to love you right
But now, if I only had the opportunity
I would do anything
Because my heart still believes

Maybe you could be mine again
Maybe we could make that dream for real
Like way back then
When love was yours and mine
Maybe we could bring it back to life

It's irrelevant to dwell on the past
I'm accountable for what went bad
And I mean that
But I keep on praying for another chance
Just to have you back
'Cause I've grown
And I know how to be your everything

No, no it ain't over yet
I just can't accept the possibility
We weren't made for each other's arms
I know you're my destiny
We can't erase what was meant to be
Part of you and part of me
If we try one more time
Maybe somehow we'll survive"
Mariah Carey, Mine Again (Emancipation of MiMi)

Yes Yes, you are sorry for looking at this, I know. However, this blog is entitled "Inside Andrea's Head" and I do have a cheesy, romantic side. So there!!

I've got a feeling

Yay! I get to go down to Houston in less than a week (to see Max)!!! I win!

Last night I watched the Ohio State--Florida game with my friend Craig. I carelessly chose Ohio State as "my team". They sucked it up. Boo! Afterwards we went to his friends house and we watched "Grandma's Boy", which is becoming a frequent thing for me. I saw the movie first when Max came up to visit, then I watched it again with my friends Jeff and Andy, and then again last night. Crazy. Its an awesome movie though, so I won't apologize for it. I didn't get home until 3 this morning, I was pretty tired by then.

I have lots of things on my mind to deal with now: school, army, school, army, and oh yea, school. It seems that a few of my classes are going to be quite intense. I am ready for it though. One of my major dilemmas as of late was whether or not I'd be able to get in another semester of school before leaving for Iraq. This really stressed me out. Now that I've finally determined what I'm going to do with my life, it was very important for me to finish with as little interruptions as possible. The prospect of going overseas floored me. I have accepted this point and I know that I WILL finish, no matter how long it takes.

Wish me luck.

Life, Love, and the Pursuit of Carmen Sandiego

I am Jack's happy pancreas.

School began today and I was able to get permission from both my Biology professor and my Calculus professor for my upcoming absence due to military duty. Blah. As for French, I think I've been out of it for a few many years and I don't necessarily want to do the extra work required to re-familiarize myself with the vocab, etc. So I am going to try to get my advisor to change my schedule. Yay.

Max and I have decided to "go for it". This includes my "impending doom" that I have mentioned in a prior blog. I believe that the pros outweigh the cons in this matter. Its too good to be... false. Ha!

That's all for now. I'm going to go hang out with some friends and pretend that I'm african cake spider!

Mistaken Communication

Last night I was text messaging my boyfriend, Max. Seems innocent enough, yes? I completely misunderstood a certain message which sent my heart into a frenzy. I honestly could feel my heart slowly crumbling every second after I had read it. My chest felt tight, it was getting harder to breathe, I really think there was a tiny elf inside me who placed my heart in a pot of water and was slowly turning up the heat to boil it--like a frog. I messaged him back, asking for him to explain himself. No answer. I ask again. Still no answer. Almost an hour passes--I am panicky and on the verge of crying. I called him twice before I got a hold of him--only to discover my ridiculous misunderstanding. I feel stupid. He felt bad too because he had no idea that I didn't understand him.

So what did I learn?

I learned to trust. I learned that I'm very vulnerable right now. I learned that I'm much more attached than I may have previously confessed. I am--as they say--a fag.

P.S. I ran 2.25 miles today

Status Sleepless

As is happening more frequently and apparently is affecting my routine, it must be mentioned. I cannot sleep well. It is not constant--more sporadic than anything. I wonder if that has anything to do with spores in the first place? I didn't invite any to hang out with me! Frankly, I don't believe they have any place in my room. And even more so, I don't think they even exist. Now what?

I sat awake last night, heart pounding, day-haha-dreaming. I couldn't stop my mind from meandering in and around a certain subject. What is that subject you might ask? It would be my impending doom or possible bliss. If only it were that black and white!

I tried desperately or half-heartedly (depending on your opinion) to clear my mind and sleep. I also tried some other things to regain unconsciousness. Nothing. Or should I say Something kept me awake. Max has only been gone a two days and yet it feels like 2 months or weeks or something else that is longer than 2 days. My eyes are burning from lack of sleep. Blah. Perhaps I should tell a story? Ok. That will keep me awake--haha--NOW I'm trying to stay awake. This is gay.

ahem.

Maybe I watch too many old movies. That could be it. Perhaps I rely a bit too much on the unknown. I don't believe in aliens, so that can't be it. Hey, you know how some people with amputations say they can still feel their severed limb? The phantom hand or foot. I wish that Max had an extra hand and it could be severed and I was the one who had the feeling of his phantom hand. I would hold his hand whenever I wanted to. Haha. Ok, even that is a bit weird for me! I was going to tell a story. blah.

ahem.

Once upon a time there was a turtle named Nimby. He was uber-obsessed with oatmeal. He didn't want raisins, milk, or sugar added to it because he said it masked the oatmeal's purity. He was also a senator for New Hampshire, but we won't hold that against him. Nimby had a bit much to drink one night and decided to declare his love of Fraggle Rock to the masses--namely to his mother Namby, she afterall was his only listener. One bubble came and went, then nothing. Its not his fault, you know. He was just a car salesman.
The End.

Fraud

I am a little nervous.

I checked my banking account online this morning and there seems to be a deposit made by someone else into my account. Its very strange. It looks as though the bank gave out a deposit slip with my account numbers on it to a certain person who then made a deposit. They wrote my account number beneath their name (which sort of looks like mine). The name seems to say "Andre W Olmmsmsmsms" I honestly can't read the handwriting. But this really spooks me! I know its a deposit, not a debit, but why did the bank give out my information to this person. Perhaps this person forgot their account number, but if they did the bank should have requested to see their ID and then given them the correct number--NOT MINE. I am confused and nervous.

I called my bank immediately and they said they would look into it and give me a call later today. With today's constant warnings against identity fraud, one can only jump to conclusions. I hope this is a simple mistake and no harm done. We shall see.

Ok--The bank called to say that it had been an error on the teller's part. I think they should let me keep the money based on the stress-induced coma I endured for the better part of 2 hours. Yea!

I went back to myspace and imported a few of my old blogs to this blog. I have created a permanent residence here in the land of the blogger. The End.

The New Year--so it seems

So here it is--the new year! Two thousand and seven should hopefully be a great year.
I have several objectives to complete in this fabulous year:
1) to beat Jacque in our mile-running competition (oh yea, its on baby!)
2) to beat Jacque in our mile-running competition (fo shizzle)
3) to make the most of my days as mayor of this fine town (one can dream)
4) to escape the sandbox with my life (there is quicksand there I hear)
5) to accomplish any goal I decide to make or give up (yes!)

Sounds simple enough.
So, Max has left me now for Houston. I am going to miss him. We had a really wonderful time together and now I have to have wonderful times all by myself. Boo!
Haha. I have decided to become the alpha dog in my household. Thank you Cesar Milan! hee hee. I need a monkey and perhaps a leash to walk him with.